


I Can Only Help If You Let Me

by EmilyJade



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyJade/pseuds/EmilyJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Anthony DiNozzo; Trouble magnet'<br/>When Tony finds himself stuck in a downward spiral he finds the only way out is to ask for help- Crap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

I Can Only Help If You Let Me

 

Chapter One

 

For Tony it had been a stressful day. Not only did he spill coffee down himself resulting in having to borrow one of McGee’s ill-fitting shirts (That earned him a head-slap because “DiNozzo, you should be more prepared!”) but he then proceeded to split his pants when chasing down a suspect in Rock Creek Park- fortunately however, he did carry spare pants, but the teasing he received from Ziva for the rest of the day drove him completely up the ‘hall.’

The case was open and shut, split pants and all Tony caught the bad guy who sang like a canary when faced with the big, bad, Gibbs. This brought a smile to Tony’s face but the fact that it was the only case they caught that day really, _really_ pissed him off. Cold cases were never enjoyable and having two child-like junior agents poking fun at you all day just serves to sour your mood.

Quitting time did not roll around fast enough but as soon as those sweet, sweet words left Gibbs’ mouth Tony had high-tailed it out of there, only to find his two front tyres and his spare tyre were flat, and being as stubborn as he was, he refused to even ask for help from his co-workers and hid in the shadows as they all drove off before calling for a taxi.

When he arrived at his apartment complex he threw a twenty at the driver and staggered off towards the building but as Tony clambered up the last three steps to his apartment he noticed the door to his apartment was open just a little-

 “Fucking great” He mumbled under his breath,

Blinking away the residual sleepiness he reached for his gun and crept wearily inside. It didn’t take long to figure out this was just a basic robbery, nothing had been broken, thankfully, but his TV, stereo and laptop were all gone.

With his gun raised he continued to search the apartment, clearing it room by room and when absolutely sure there was no imminent danger he stowed his gun, badge and ID in his bedroom safe and slid to the floor, head resting on the end of his bed.

Like a child mid-tantrum, his movements became jerky and louder than necessary, he stomped his right foot down, untied his laces and threw his shoe against the nearest wall, repeating the action with his left foot he began cursing anything and anybody he could think of.

“Fan-freaking-tastic, just what I needed, Anthony DiNozzo; trouble magnet- I should get it changed officially, warn people when they see me, get it tattooed on my fucking forehead!” He punctuated his last words by beating his fist against the carpeted floor beneath him.

Huffing out something between a laugh and a growl when Mr Harrison from below returned his thud on the ceiling with what one can only assume was his walking stick, Tony pushed himself to his feet, and stripped off his shirt and trousers.

He should probably call Gibbs, Gibbs always knows what to do, Gibbs can fix things, but right now all he can think about is climbing into his bed and drowning in a sea of Egyptian cotton sheets and duck feather pillows- He’ll probably regret that tomorrow, when Gibbs gives him the head-slap of the century but frankly he’s too tired and drained to care.

Within mere minutes Tony had fallen into a fitful sleep not even bothering to close the blinds just allowing the streetlight’s orange glow to bathe the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 

Somewhere in the back of Tony’s clouded mind, something was telling him to wake up and five minutes later when the fog had lifted he realised it was in fact the shrill ring of his cell phone coming from his discarded pants.

_Great_ he thinks _a case in the middle of the night, just what I need._ But that wasn’t right; sunlight was streaming through his open blinds, traffic was heaving outside on the street- _Crap._

His body tried it’s best to leap from the bed, but his mind was slower and he ended up in a tangle of sheets, ankle bent at an awkward angle and fact planted in the pool of trousers sitting by the foot of the bead.

_Crap, crap, crap._

He fumbled around and-

_Crap some more_.

His cell had stopped ringing and if the red flashing seven on his screen was anything to go by he was totally screwed. Instead of doing what most people would do, Tony pulled himself up and, wincing as his ankle protested the movement, stumbled into the bathroom.

After relieving himself, brushing his teeth and running his fingers through his hair he limped to his closet and _Oh joy_ the sadistic bastards that robbed him took his suits too, if Tony’s eyes pricked with tears at that well,  there was nobody around to see.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

40 minutes, a disturbingly sticky taxi ride and one more missed phone call from McGee later Tony reached the bullpen. He did not look up, he did not acknowledge any of his teammates and he certainly did not stub his already aching foot on the corner of his desk in his haste to sit down.

_Play it cool_ his mind was screaming, but his body language told a completely different story.

His suit, _yesterday’s suit,_ is wrinkled beyond any semblance of neat, his tie is wonky and _Jesus Christ_ is he smuggling meatballs in his socks? He prods at the lumpy distortion that is his ankle and flinches, _bad idea, very bad idea._

Straightening out and switching on his computer monitor he pretends he doesn’t notice the curious looks Ziva and McGee are throwing his way- _come on guys, be less obvious_ and because he knows there isn’t a case -McPersistent’s messages told him so over and over again, he raids his desk for something, anything to bring his brain back online and _Sweet merciful heavens is that a Hersheys bar?_ As he reaches for it he notices a change in the atmosphere, something almost chilling, it doesn't take long for him to figure out that it's-  
"Sir, Gibbs, Boss- Hi!" He grins, perhaps a little too widely considering.

"You're late." Well, what else did he expect, really?

"Yeah, about that..."

"Don't wanna hear it DiNozzo, no more dates on a school night."

"But, Boss-"

"No, DiNozzo. No buts, you're slipping. You're constantly late, you have bags under your eyes and it looks like you didn't even have the decency to get changed this morning- I don't need a Senior Field Agent that can't handle himself, pull yourself together or move on."

And _wow_ if that didn't hit him where it hurts.

"Yes Boss, sorry Boss, pulling myself together, Boss."

Pushing his draw closed he forgets the shooting pains in his foot, the hunger pains in his stomach and lets the sinking feeling that's settled in his gut wash over him.

_Move on?_ _Really DiNozzo, pull yourself together, you heard him._

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

          The rest of the day from there was pretty much downhill, the searing pain in his foot was getting worse, and the glares from Gibbs were practically burning the back of his head. He ignores the probing stares he receives from his co-workers; he graciously accepts the bear hugs from Abby every time he goes to see her and, although reluctantly, he allows the Ducky to check over his ankle and accepts the tsking and the chiding the good doctor gives him, he high-fives Palmer, flirts with the baggie bunnies and acts like the over-grown jock everybody believes him to be, except Gibbs of course, if the increased number of headslaps and growls sent his way are anything to go by.

 It’s very easy for him to slip back into his persona when he’s at his desk, unmoving, but when he’s up and walking the grimace on his face is hard to ignore but he does ignore it, even if the others do not.  Although he’s thankful that today wasn’t too strenuous and he got to spend it riding a desk, as quitting time grows nearer he finds himself hoping, praying even that a case comes in that stops them leaving tonight. It doesn’t bother him that his desk chair doesn’t make a comfy bed or that he’d have to shower in the locker rooms, tonight he has nowhere better to be.

“Pack it up, be back tomorrow, 0800 hours, not a minute later, you hear that DiNozzo?” Ziva smirks at this but McGee has the good graces to actually look a little concerned for his friend, Tony of course brushes it off with a small smile his way.

He sits and watches as the two Junior Agents head towards the elevator, he can’t help but be a little jealous really, nice warm beds to get into tonight, nice clean clothes to wear tomorrow. He sighs and Gibbs narrows his eyes, pulling on his own coat and switching off his desk lamp.

“Seriously DiNozzo, get out of here, you look like you crap, get some rest, don’t need you tripping up in the field.” It’s not quite a concerned Gibbs, but it’ll do.

“Yeah Boss, just finishing up, I’ll be here, bright eyes, bushy tail.”

Gibbs snorts, hopefully out of humour and not disbelief, and he’s gone.

Tony realizes now that he’s missed all of his chances, it’s too late. He can’t turn to Gibbs, the man already sees him as weak, he doesn’t think he could handle Ducky’s coddling and he refuses to even entertain the idea that Ziva or McGee would help him out.

And _that_ is when it hits him, for the first time since he can’t even remember when:

Tony DiNozzo is on his own.

_Well shit._


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

 

          It was probably a bad idea but Tony decided staying at the office was his best bet, there’s more for him here, warm showers, food and drink- albeit from the vending machines but beggars can’t be choosers, and a Sears round the corner where he could find something to wear last minute.

_Sears? This is what I’ve become?_ He shudders.

It’s unfortunate, the worst thing that could have happened, did. Tony lost his clothes. His clothes weren’t just clothes; they were his mask, a way of hiding, a whole new person he was able to become at the flick of a tie. Without his clothes he was nothing- Well, not quite nothing but he definitely wasn’t a person people wanted to be with. Tony’s bravado was all based on looking his best, without it Tony was quiet, reserved and _heaven forbid_ Tony was needy.

He wasn’t a clingy type of needy, he wasn’t the kind to attach himself to somebody, but give him an hour by himself and he felt… inadequate? He quite often found himself in need of reassurance; he needed to know that he wasn’t completely useless, that people noticed him.

_Huh, that’s not something I’ve admitted before._

Shaking himself, Tony stood; he turned his computer lamp on, hung his blazer on the back of his chair and limped down to the break room. He’d have a sandwich from the vending machine then go take a shower in the locker room; he’s put his gym kit on to sleep in and, assuming Abby’s left for the night, pass out on the futon in her lab. Failing that, he’d take a leaf from his Boss’ book and catch 40 winks on an autopsy table.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Freshly showered and dressed in sweats Tony heads down to the lab, stepping off the elevator and into the hall seemed safe, but as soon as he steps into the room-

“Tony! What’re you still doing here?”

_Damn, should have checked the cameras first._

“Hey Abs, just came to see if you were still around, it’s pretty late, shouldn’t you have gone home already?” _Liar_

“Don’t lie to me mister! Why are you wearing your gym stuff?” At this point she’s placed her hands on her hips. _Oh man_

“You know me; never miss a chance to exercise.” _C’mon Abby change the subject_

“With that ankle? Uh-uh. Not. A. Chance.” Her frown deepened as she stared at him, there was clearly no way out.

“Okay, the water’s out at my apartment,” _This might work_ “Thought I’d shower here before I left, then I really did come to check on you” _Eh, close enough._

“Oh, why didn’t you just say that? You really need to find somewhere new to live, something is always wrong with your apartment! I have a friend- they don’t live far from here, looking for a roommate, I mean, if you don’t mind bearded ladies. Funny story really, me and this guy were at the fair and-“

“Abby! I’ll start looking for somewhere else to live just please, no bearded ladies.” Anything to make her _stop_

“Oh, okay then” She smiled and reached up to kiss him on the cheek, “I am actually just leaving, you should too, you look awful.” Without any warning she begins shoving him towards the elevator, she flicks the lights off and locks the lab door behind her.

“Abby, what are you doing?” _Well there goes that plan_ he sighs inwardly

“I know you, Tony, you won’t go home and you’re in too much of a state to sleep on my futon, can’t you stay with somebody? I’d offer you my couch but one of the nuns is have her house renovated-“

“Abby stop, I won’t stay here, I promise.” _Keep digging that hole Tony, where do you think you’re gonna go?_

“Great!” With the she slaps a phone into his hand

“Abby, what?-“He start when-

**“Yeah, Gibbs”** calls out from the tinny speaker

“Uh, hi Boss”

“DiNozzo? I coulda sworn the ID said Abby” _Tony scowls at the person in question_

“Yeah, look, the waters out at my apartment and Abby suggested-“

“Again? Really DiNozzo, you need a new place”

“Yeah, Abby already read me the riot act, I was just wondering if-“

“Doors unlocked, pick up dinner on the way” and with that, he hung up.

_Hmm, that was easier than I thought._

Passing the cell back to Abby who grinned before scurrying away, he turned and tried to mentally prepare himself for everything that could possibly go wrong.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Gibbs wasn’t surprised to find it was Tony on the other end of the phone. Well, maybe he was a little surprised; the caller ID did say Abby after all. Either way, he’d expected a call from his senior agent tonight, all day it’d been playing on his mind that _something_ had happened. It was worse than just his water going out but he’d find out just what later _and head-slap the crap outta Tony for not telling him sooner._

Gibbs had to admit, he was relieved when a case didn’t come up today, with Tony’s meatball foot God only knows how that would’ve gone down, wouldn’t be able to chase anybody down, or stand to interview anybody for that matter. He was also glad Tony was coming to stay with him, it’s a well-known fact that the elevator at Tony’s apartment is ‘Out Of Service’ pretty much all of the time and Gibbs could just picture Tony trying to drag himself up the stairs, white knuckled grip on the rail, toned biceps rippling as he lifts his body’s weight, sweat gathering at the wide expanse of tanned skin below his neck, perhaps his shirt rising a little, hair stuck to his sweat-lined face, breathless gasps coming short and fast, landing at his doorway, groaning out in release. **_Relief._** _Groaning in relief_

_Damn, snap out of it Marine, boy like Tony doesn’t want a grumpy old coot like you._

Thankfully, it was a good thirty minutes before Tony arrived; this gave Gibbs plenty of time to clean up himself and his thoughts and instead of returning to the basement like he normally would, he just settled on the couch. It made him feel better knowing Tony wouldn’t have to go too far. At that thought he growled.

_You’re getting soft, Gunny_

_Only for Tony,_ he assured himself, _Only for Tony_


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

 

_Tony strode gracefully through the hallway, dropping the bag of food on the side. Spotting his target on the couch he squares his shoulders and braces himself._

_“Leroy Jethro Gibbs, I love you. I want you and I need you. It’s been 10 years and I think it’s time I told you. Tonight, I want to sleep with you- just sleep, together, under your blankets, in your bed, my hand on your chest and your arms around me, I want the window cracked open so it’s chilly and we have to cuddle closer. I don’t want talking I just want blissful, happy silence, okay?_

_During his rant Gibbs had risen from his seat and he was now standing arm’s length from Tony._

_His mouth was opening and closing, trying to form words when something seemed to click and he smiled._

_“Yeah Tony, that’s okay”_

_And before Tony could say anything more he leaned forward, pressing his lips to the warm, soft heaven that was his senior field agent’s mouth._

 

Or, that’s how it went in Tony’s head.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

As Tony reached for the door the bag of food began to slip from his fingers, he tried re-positioning his arm but over-compensated and found himself stumbling sideways, with his other hand he reached out for the door knob and turned it just in time. With one hand clutching the food bag and the other reaching out for something to grip Tony’s legs began to shake and before he realised he’d landed face-first on the ground, Chinese food overflowing from the bag, noodles landing beside his head and he groaned.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Gibbs watched from his spot on the couch, completely astounded by the almost acrobatic display Tony just put on, his brain was telling him to get up and help but his body just refused. He’d never seen anything so… Spectacular, it seemed like the wrong word but it was all he could provide.

 

He’d barely heard the footsteps on the porch but they grew louder as they neared the door, he instantly knew it was Tony although they did seem rather uncoordinated, he’d assume that was down to the bad foot _Rule #8: Never Assume_. Besides, if he needed help he’d have said something, right?

 

Mentally shaking himself from his thoughts Gibbs jumped into action, long strides took him quickly to his fallen agent where he crouched and with a wry smile, said:

“Always did like to make and entrance didn’t ya DiNozzo?”

This got him a low groan in response.

“Alright, I’ve got ya, on three you push I’ll pull” he ordered, placing one arm under Tony’s torso and one hand on his muscled shoulder

“Yes, Boss” was the sarcastically mumbled response.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Of course, it took much more effort to get him up than they’d both thought but eventually they were on the couch, Chinese that hadn’t touched the floor on plates and cold beers warming on the coffee table.

Very few words had been spoken; aside from the “Thanks” “Don’t mention it” when Tony was finally upright.  The past half hour had passed in silence. For Tony this was rare and he didn’t like it one bit,

“So, um, thanks for letting me stay Boss”

Gibbs’ only reply was to grunt

“Really, you didn’t have to, I mean, I can still go home-“

“Can you DiNozzo? ‘cause I’m pretty sure if you could have, you would have” Gibbs interrupted, eyebrow raised

“No, guess not” he replied sulkily, poking at his plate of food.

 They returned to eating silently for a few more minutes before Gibbs decided he couldn’t bear seeing his senior agent’s pout.

“What happened, Tony?” He asked softly, cursing himself mentally for using DiNozzo’s first name, he’d hoped that he didn’t notice but if the look of surprise on his face was anything to go by, he had. But he chose to ignore it as he responded:

“What happened, Boss? My heating went out, I told you” his brow furrowed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Funny DiNozzo, you told me your water went out”

“Yeah Boss, that too, you know what that apartment’s like, bad, old, falling apart-“ He stood suddenly, “-speaking of old,  I’m tired, aren’t you tired? I’m gonna hit the sack, goodnight” And before Gibbs could even open his mouth to form a reply Tony had toddled off towards the guest room.

Closing his mouth and sighing in defeat Gibbs began clearing away the plates and boxes from the table. After washing up he sat back on the couch, warm beer in hand. He took a sip and began mumbling to himself,

“What do I do with ya DiNozzo? Why’s it gotta be so hard to love ya”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

As Tony laid in Gibbs’ guest room he couldn’t help but feel _really_ stupid. It’s not like Gibbs is unapproachable, he’d spoken to him before, like that time when he had that thing and the other thing and he had to- Okay, maybe he hadn’t spoken to Gibbs on a personal level but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He really, really wanted to but why would Gibbs be interested? Sure he’d let him stay in his home before but that was only out of pity and it didn’t exactly end well. Walking in on your boss stark naked in the bathroom, although extremely arousing, was a very bad move and should never be repeated, no matter how much you want it. And although Gibbs hadn’t said anything about it, at the time or otherwise Tony knew that he could never put himself in a that situation ever again, without some extreme consequences.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Gibbs settled down on his couch for the night, he’d thought of going down and spending some time with his boat but his gut was churning and he thought it best to stay somewhere he could protect Tony. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could pretend the sheer presence of the man wasn’t making him less of a bastard; he also couldn’t pretend that he didn’t like it, a lot, really.

He sighed loudly before reaching over to shut off the lamp; hopefully Tony would stay for a few days, maybe he’d find out what happened to him, or maybe they’d just talk- Maybe if Tony thought he was willing to talk he’d open up to him a little more, however getting Tony to believe Gibbs actually wanted to talk to him was going to be a challenge in itself.

 

In the morning he’d try though- try being the operative word.


End file.
